𝑯𝒐𝒘 "𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒚 𝒐𝒓 𝑵𝒐𝒕" 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒅!

How ready or not should've ended 

The 2019 cinematic release "Ready or Not," produced by Disney Studios, artfully combines elements of horror with undertones of macabre humor. It's a quintessential fright-fest, replete with blood-curdling scenes. Be warned: spoilers lie ahead, so proceed with caution. From the very start, I was captivated by this film—from the eerie goat barn to the symbolic tearing of a pristine wedding gown, which challenges traditional values and paves the way for a new feminine ideal. It's refreshing to see characters unabashedly lighting up cigarettes on screen, a sight that's become increasingly rare. While the film's portrayal of the affluent elite's demise through dark humor resonated with me, I typically find human suffering distasteful. However, the film's subtext suggests that the demise of these characters serves as a metaphor for the consequences of their own avarice, implying they had already metaphorically stained their hands with the repercussions of their wealth. I loved the smaller details about the films the connotations used as well for example "Le Bail" is a double entendre. The first "Belial: a term later became personified as the devil". Secondly "Bail" is an homonym to "Bael", which is also translated to "demon." Therefore "Mr. Le Bail" is literally "The Demon himself". which is great writing as far as I'm concerned and I might even add this to my satanic pseudo names by using it as my hotel booking-in name lol.

Firstly the blue blood satanic look always gets me in a state of fashion bliss. It's like I'm magnetically drawn to this peculiar alabaster narrative I've spun around my existence. Now, I'm going to prance past the bulk of the flick, but let's chew over the finale, shall we?

The conclusion was a satisfying dish with a missing spice that could've turned it into a culinary masterpiece – minus the enchanting or otherworldly garnish, if you will. Our heroine Grace, cornered and feral, is at the mercy of a family who's convinced they'll combust into flames or meet a gruesome end come sunrise. The crescendo nears as Grace is about to be an unwilling tribute to old Nick – a topic on which I could write a thesis, by the way.

Even the ceremonial monologue is Top-notch. They even dropped a "Shemhamforash" in there, which had me in stitches – kudos to the diligent dive into our incantatory lexicon. But then, in a twist of fate, Grace wrangles the sacrificial dagger from her beloved's grip, turning the pointy end towards her tormentors. And, as the plot thickens: lo and behold, the sun had already made its grand entrance! The family thought they would combust at the very sight of the mornings sun. The grand dame of the clan, oozing with style (seriously, her fierceness is my #goals), flings the drapes wide, bathing the petrified posse in daylight, and – nothing. Nada. Zip. we think their vile, fear-driven deeds go unpunished by any supernatural force. THIS IS WHERE IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED but where I'd stir in a zesty twist: Grace, our beleaguered bride, should’ve lawyered up, milked the family coffers dry, and become the patron saint of wayward goats – funneling those ill-gotten billions into a venture that chips away at humanity's doom.

But the dissapoint kicked in when they did actually burst into blood balls... Alas, the family's supernatural demise felt like a cop-out. Sure, I'm all for a bit of mythical razzle-dazzle, but imagine the anthem it could've been for our atheistic Satanism if the devil wasn't real! Grace's reaction was priceless when she sees the devil upon his thrown, though admittedly, through a lens of unsupernaturalism, we could have still had this visual event and one might fancy she'd conjured the devil in a fractured state of mind.

The irony of the supernatural ending! The film spends its runtime questioning a the destructive power of superstition, only to go all in on the very thing it critiques. It's a gut-punch, truly. The "I fucking knew it, it's a bullshit" quip from a family member as dawn's light graced his mug had me in a state of true esctacy which was short lived with my favourite grandma exploding into slime just after it was said, which was satisfying on a horror movie level but fucked with my ethics. 

Ah, what a bummer it is, folks! Looks like the silver screen's not going to be graced with devilishly good films that give a high-five to the horned one or dive deep into a true 'Satanic' philosophy. And let's talk about the heartbreaker – the shelving of Paradise Lost. That's the real tearjerker. But hey, we're a hopeful bunch, right? Keep those fingers crossed and who knows? Maybe we'll get our wicked wish granted after all with the power of some Satanic magick at large!

Hail Satan